Nautical Cookies

Ice Cream Sandwhich

These monster ice cream sandwiches were the result of my 3-year-old niece’s desire for chocolate. The conversation went like this:

Jubilee: “What would you like me to make for you when you visit”

Niece: (with a devilish grin) “ice cream”

Jubilee: “What flavor ice cream?”

Niece: “CHOCOLATE!”

With that settled, I got to work. I didn’t just want to make ice cream, though. Sometimes I get really disappointed at all the ice cream that melts in the bowl and you can’t lick it without a major breech in decorum. It’s just such a waste. Usually that doesn’t stop me but I figured I’d solve that problem by individually packaging the ice cream in huge ice cream sandwiches. They were too big- my mistake- but damn were they good. I dipped them in chocolate because I could. I also thought it would help shield the ice cream from melting too quickly. I’m probably full of crap in this assumption but who cares, MORE CHOCOLATE!

Here’s the cake I made for the 4th of July. It was also giant… ‘Merica

Blueberry Marshmallows

I have a friend whose family owns a local blueberry farm. Because blueberry season is so short I threw caution to the wind and was like, “What the hell! Why not order 10 pounds of blueberries?” So I did. Do you know how many blueberries are in 10 pounds? A LOT. So here I am trying to figure out what am I going to do with all these very perishable, exceptionally delicious, and insane amount of blueberries. First, I made blueberry yogurt. That only used up half a pound. Besides having a giant bowl of blueberries with every meal and snack I still have find uses for the berries. Obviously marshmallows were one of the first goodies to make on my list.

Making marshmallows has become second nature to me. They are quick to make and, to be honest, you can charge a lot more for them because the price of the ingredients can be pretty cheap. However, using fresh local blueberries and Lye’s Golden Syrup instead of corn syrup really make these a luxury treat. That’s OK. I ground up freeze dried blueberries to coat them. Because blueberries. These are some of the most tender mallows I’ve ever made. They practically pop in your mouth like a real berry would. With the right marketing I could sell them as a healthy sweet treat- mostly because people will create excuses to eat bad things. Shut up and take my money.

Blueberry waffles for breakfast. Blueberry Jam. Blueberry Smoothies. Blueberry ice cream. Not even Iron Chef would know what to do with this many blueberries.

Chocolate Cake Cubed

Sometimes friends and family can’t get together for every celebratory occasion so we jumble everything into one giant fit-all party. When such parties occur I have to make a dessert that’s intensity and magnitude is squared or for this particular instance cubed. Doing this can be a challenge. I don’t know why I have to do it this way but I do. For example: a regular party gets a regular cake (even though my ‘regular’ cakes are kinda ginormous) Chocolate cake/chocolate icing. Pretty simple, right? A ‘squared’ event usually gets something a bit fancier like ultra vanilla ice cream and blueberry pie. A ‘cubed’ event requires a lot of oomf- power to the Mad Max- the Lord Humungus of flavor.

Chocolate is, by far, the easiest dessert component to square or cube. I made a dark chocolate cake with whipped dark chocolate ganache icing, and encircled the cake with chocolate cigarette cookies. I also poured chocolate ganache on top of the cake for good measure. Because reasons.

If people were to pay me for this cake with cold hard cash instead of love and kisses I’d be rich.

Psychadelic Butterfly Cookies

I really wish I could put these cookies under a black light and watch ’em glow! I got this amazing new, and of course outrageously huge, butterfly cookie cutter and I didn’t want to go the traditional monarch route. I mean, they’re an endangered species and deserve their own homage, but I wanted a cookie with some funk, a little freak, and a lot of cool vibes. I saw vivid and eerie butterflies on a trip to Australia once and I was feeling a little nostalgic for the otherworldly animal kingdom. Like Rivendale on LSD.

I also made some cupcake cookies for my friend’s birthday. Because I didn’t know if I wanted to make cupcakes or cookies and was too busy to have an existential crisis over the matter.

 

Doljanchi

A Doljanchi or Dol is a Korean celebration of a baby’s first birthday. It’s an old tradition honoring the survival of the child. Since child mortality was so high way back in the day (and still is in some parts of Korea) it’s a big deal. My nieces’ Doljianchis’ were as big as some weddings.

It was my job to make the cake, cupcakes, and cookies. Luckily I was able to make the cake centerpiece a dummy and just hand out cupcakes (THANK THE POWERS THAT BE). My niece was born in the year of the snake. Therefore things were snake/ jungle themed.

 

I wanted to do ruffles on the bottom. Used toothpicks to hold it all together and for transporting it. It reminded me of Hellraiser: “Oh, no tears please. It’s a waste of good suffering”

I didn’t get any pictures of the back of the cake. It had a cute zebra and flowers etc.

 

 

Cookies and Cream Eggs

I have been completely uninspired for the last several months. I have very few people to eat my sweet creations therefore my oven has been dormant and I have been hibernating. But spring arrived and I couldn’t miss the opportunity to make Easter cookie bouquets, peeps, and homemade Cadbury eggs.

Easter is the x-mas of spring in my family. The proverbial bunny doles out candy and presents. Ham instead of turkey (or grilled tofu instead of Tofurky in my case), double baked potatoes in place of mashed potatoes, and the pitter patter of paws instead of hooves. Everyone has their traditions. We are not god fearing folk so we celebrate the holiday by helping capitalism inch forward. It is an excuse to buy awesome things for the little ones and stuff our faces with unnecessary confectionery calories. Any excuse, right?

I have to say I am glad to see daffodils, green grass and blue sky. I love the crazy midwest winters but even I was ready for some sunshine and bird noises.

Unfortunately I have no photos of the cream eggs. They just made it to our bellies too quickly. Slippery fellas, those cream eggs, you gotta watch out for them.

 

 

Raspberry Marshmallows

I’ve been dying to make raspberry marshmallows for ages. I wanted to use freeze dried raspberries. I thought I could pulverize the raspberries to powder with my vitamix and coat the marshmallows with it. I was right!

I’ve had a very difficult time finding freeze dried fruits, though. On my last trip to Trader Joe’s I stumbled upon them by the nuts and literally squealed while doing a little dance. Holy Mother of God and All Her Wacky Nephews, I couldn’t believe my luck! The women next to me said “Damn, she’s excited about fruit!” She looked more than a little embarrassed for me. I couldn’t care less you Motherless Goat of All Motherless Goats.

I filled my cart with freeze dried raspberries, blueberries, and strawberries. They had some freeze dried mango too- but my pockets aren’t that deep.

These marshmallows are so fruity, tart, and unberryibley (haha you get it?) delicious. I added some of the raspberry powder to the marshmallow as well. Their texture is a little chewier than normal. I couldn’t get all of the seeds out of the powder. My seive’s mesh wasn’t fine enough to filter out all of the seeds so there are some strays in the marshmallows. It’s charming. Makes them rustic like. They’re extremely pink. I should have made these for V-day.

 

Freshly Minted

It is girl scout cookie season. Like every other food blogger out there I am now socially obliged to invent a dessert, featuring a cookie, that was sold to me by a 7 year old. AWESOME. It’s a right of passage. I’m walking through a portal, transitioning into hallowed territory.

Naturally, I have to make something out of Thin Mints. To be honest I just walked up to the girl scout table at the grocery store brandishing my money and asked for a box . I could have lingered at their stand pursuing over the cookie selection to iron chef, but making prolonged eye contact with children and or their guardians is awkward, at best. The fact that I didn’t want to interact was probably more creepy for them. Super sorry kids. I want you to get your badge, I think you’re building some great skills, I’m sure you’re an outstanding group of people trying to get money to travel where ever and I’d rather be thrown under a bus than have to make small talk.

I faced a delemia. I hate mint. It’s good in chutneys but that’s the only way I’ll eat it. It’s ok for my tooth paste and mouth wash but I don’t like the leathery herb. I cannot explain why but every time I eat it I sneeze. I don’t have anything against mint. I feel pretty sorry for it most of the time. It’s main feature in American food culture is as a garnish and a few boozie drinks. Ok- I’ll admit there are peppermint candies, gums, chcolates, cookies, truffles, ice cream etc. But, on average, most people don’t ever encounter the herb itself. I’m probably trying to justify why I don’t like it by undermining it’s influence and adoration by others. I guess it’s one of those days: 1) Creep out children 2) demean my audience. I’m on a roll.

I made tart crusts out of them. HOLY GUACAMOLE mint isn’t as bad as I thought it was! In fact, it’s darn right delicious. I left them out to cool etc etc and was going to put the pudding in them for some photos. But my family got to them first. These were the only ones left- there was no more pudding.

Sorry the picture is so crude. I guess I’ll have to go interact with some girl scouts again. More cookies… the mint ones!

After: The Pudding

The Walking Dead pudding memes are all over the god damn place.

(SPOILERS)

After narrowly escaping walkers Carl casually scarfs down a gigantic can of chocolate pudding, 112 ounces to be exact. In the scene his legs dangle off the roof swaying willy nilly. He looks comical and child like after losing one of his shoes during his escape. He reclaims part of his innocence. Like he was stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. I’m not versed at conveying how cinematically poignant these few primetime TV moments are but It was amazing. It was just so human.

A few weeks ago I made TWD cookies. Today I made some chocolate pudding to enhance my TWD viewing experience.

Carl use to be one of my least favorite characters. I wanted him, Lori, and Shane to be devoured alive. However, Carl’s character has evolved. His experiences and actions reflect the black and white ideology children/adolescents believe.  His viewpoint is important because it radically contrasts the adults’ desire to go back to the way things were before the pandemic. Compared to the adults, Carl’s, and some of the other children, spectrum of morality is fundamentally different. I’m excited to watch where it leads the group. So here is some pudding to honor Carl. Hopefully he’ll survive the rest of the series.